Good Grief

by Jake Haws

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1.
03:06
You think you’re on a roll this time And you can’t help but put your best foot forward now And you can’t see it but you’re on the edge I won’t stand aside and watch it crumble down But you refuse to budge and see me eye to eye I’m begging on my knees to see things eye to eye I fall apart a hole in my heart it’s eye to eye I think I waited much too long to say goodbye You’re gonna raise the stakes this time And you won’t change your mind with anything I say You believe it but you’re on the edge If you can’t get behind me then get out of the way But you refuse to budge and see me eye to eye I’m begging on my knees to see things eye to eye I fall apart a hole in my heart it’s eye to eye I think I waited much too long to say goodbye But you refuse to budge and see me eye to eye I’m begging on my knees to see things eye to eye I fall apart a hole in my heart it’s eye to eye I think I waited much too long to say goodbye And you won’t stand beside and see me eye to eye
2.
03:13
All at once the ghosts between the Walls appear and fill the empty space All and all it’s still the same Plastic toys and roller coasters Coney Island running in my brain All and all it’s still the same You won’t ever see me anymore You won’t ever see me, cause I’m invisible Images are flashing through my mind Projecting bits of broken light All and all it’s still the same Hospitals and battle scars from Wars we fought when we were still alive All and All it’s still the same You won’t ever see me anymore And I hate to see you go You won’t ever see me anymore You won’t ever see me, cause I’m invisible
3.
There’s an elephant in the room nobody says a word When I say it now out loud it sounds so absurd And I’ve done everything that I can to try and let it go Now it’s getting under my skin and starting to show Well I tried this a million different ways It’s not like me to admit to my mistakes But I just can’t get the words to come out right Well I don’t want to be here anymore Cause every time I take a step I fall to the floor Well I’m not hanging round here for the score It’s just with everything that I give you’re asking for more There’s an elephant in my head knocking at the door And it’s getting much too loud for me to ignore But I keep sitting on my hands, trying to hold my tongue I think I waited far to long but I could be wrong Well I tried this a million different ways It’s not like me to admit to my mistakes But I just can’t get the words to come out right Well I don’t want to be here anymore Cause every time I take a step I fall to the floor Well I’m not hanging round here for the score It’s just with everything that I give you’re asking for more Well I tried this a million different ways It’s not like me to admit to my mistakes But I just can’t get the words to come out right
4.
04:26
I’ll tell you something that you might not like Your words can’t get to me, I hold my head up high You keep on talking like there’s something wrong I gotta tell you now, those feelings don’t belong Life’s too short for me to fret and worry Nothing gets me down and I’m not in a hurry I’m flying higher like you wouldn’t believe Oh yeah, I’m standing tall, I got my whole life ahead of me I’m moving on from all the pain that you put me through I’m back up on my feet I’m one step ahead of you, yeah I’ve had enough of all the things that you said I don’t need anything to stand in my way again, yeah It’s 7:30 on a friday night And when my feet start moving, yeah I feel alright I’ve had enough of staring at the phone I’ve got this restless feeling down in my bones I never understood the reason why You wanna rip my heart out and hurt my pride I’m finally free to step into the light Oh yeah, I’m feeling confident and my future’s bright I’m moving on from all the pain that you put me through I’m back up on my feet I’m one step ahead of you, yeah I’ve had enough of all the things that you said I don’t need anything to stand in my way again, yeah I’m moving on
5.
04:25
I’ve never been the best at words But it keeps running through my head that I should Try and make amends but I keep Following the devil’s trap I got this Itching in my bones to leave this Place I call my home and yet I Couldn’t take a single step She would never understand the way I’m Filled with these demands Because I’m flawed from the start And it’s keeping me apart From the ones I love and adore They expected so much more I’m a better man and it seems That I’m living in a dream, you know The devil gets the best of us And I ain’t gonna rest because I’m flawed Could have lost my only chance and never Admit that I was wrong and yet I Knew it all along you know It doesn’t have to be this way I tried to keep it to myself And yet I know I needed help and now It’s hard to put it on the line You know that something wasn’t clear And now I’ve gotta end it here Because I’m flawed from the start And it’s keeping me apart From the ones I love and adore They expected so much more I’m a better man and it seems That I’m living in a dream, you know The devil gets the best of us And I ain’t gonna rest because I’m flawed Lonely as it seems this moment’s insignificant In the grand scheme of things Take me for my word I’m trying to harder everyday To shed the weaker man away Because a man is only as good as his word Because I’m flawed from the start And it’s keeping me apart From the ones I love and adore They expected so much more I’m a better man and it seems That I’m living in a dream, you know The devil gets the best of us And I ain’t gonna rest because I’m flawed
6.
I was just guessing what you’re thinking But I know I’m often wrong My good intentions fall to pieces When I’m wandering down that road I need you here with me Like you promised you would be And as far as I can see You’ll get through and I will Make it up to you I can make it up to you Walking in circles I’m pretending That these empty walls can talk I keep on waiting for the moment When I finally hear you knock I need you here with me Like you promised you would be And as far as I can see You’ll get through and I will Make it up to you I can make it up to you I need you here with me Like you promised you would be And as far as I can see You’ll get through and I will Make it up to you I can make it up to you I can make it up to you I can make it up to you
7.
04:40
Waiting in the lobby for the test results I keep breathing Knowing that the prognosis isn't looking good Doctor says I only have a month to live This might be the last you ever see of me Hooking up my body up to life support I keep breathing Wishing I could tackle this disease My hair is falling out and my skin is pale I feel weaker Having all the life sucked out of me I'm still alive (Don't write me off yet) I'm still alive (Don't write me off yet)
8.
03:22
I wouldn’t want anyone to see The little bird sitting next to me Telling me what I’m doing Even though I keep losing I wouldn’t want anyone to know I’ve really got nowhere else to go I’m out on a Friday night Nothing is feeling right But I got a feeling that someone’s coming back for me I wouldn’t want anyone to leave They’ve really got no reason to agree I’m standing here on my own Thinking I should go home I wouldn’t want anyone to hear It’s really been quite a rocky year I don’t know what went wrong That’s making me sing this song But I got a feeling that someone’s coming back for me I wouldn’t want anyone to say I’m mixed up in my head and lost my way I don’t know what I’m doing But something is keeping me moving But I got a feeling that someone’s coming back for me I wouldn’t want anyone to see The little bird sitting next to me Telling me what I’m doing Even though I keep losing I wouldn’t want anyone to know I’ve really got nowhere else to go I’m out on a Friday night Nothing is feeling right But I got a feeling that someone’s coming back for me
9.
I know I’m dreaming but nobody’s sleeping this early in the morning Public relations and my expectations are spinning round my head again Your own existence don’t give you permission, your time is up, you’re out of here The baggage we claim is the thing that remains there’s no way for us to fix this mess I can’t believe what you’re telling to me Yeah, it’s only in your head I can’t agree, what you’re asking of me Yeah, it’s only in your head Fooling yourself with the cards you’ve been dealt you can only take it so long This information and my situation are spinning round my head again A matter of weeks they’ll be playing for keeps and they’re counting up the votes It’s too close to call and I’m telling you all that it doesn’t matter anyways I can’t believe what you’re telling to me Yeah, it’s only in your head I can’t agree, what you’re asking of me Yeah, it’s only in your head I can’t believe what you’re telling to me Yeah, it’s only in your head I can’t agree, what you’re selling to me Yeah, it’s only in your head
10.
04:33
Lit the fuse and blew it up It’s out of the ashes that we begin to pick things up You broke your leg, I lost my job It’s gonna take everything to get back how it was I Get By I Get By When I get back to your place It doesn’t take anytime to find any empty space Was it love that caused this pain? And I don’t need anything to have my mind erased I Get By I Get By I Get By And it goes on and on and on and on and on I was wrong and you were right Time has a way of making the outcome turn out fine With better luck we’ll find a way To get at the heart of our problems and make them go away But I Get By I Get By I Get By And it goes on and on and on and on and on The beat goes on and on and on and on and on
11.
I read in the papers about the sad news of your son, my condolences The world lost a great soul and now all the rumors you heard have been put to rest He struggled to find a good reason to keep moving on in this broken world The future looked bright but somehow he lost sight of the goal, least that's what I heard It's one, two, three steps away and he's back again I keep lying awake up all night again Up all night again. Everyone told him you're gonna get through this somehow, they'll be brighter skies And all of the voices that went on inside of his head told him otherwise Now I can't describe what you're feeling inside but I know they'll be better days There's nothing exciting so it's no surprise that I keep these thoughts out of play It's one, two, three steps away and you're back again I keep feeling the weight of the world again All the weight pulls down again It's been a while since I've really been true with myself or with anyone I struggled to find a good reason to keep moving on, so does everyone And it goes on and on and on It's one, two, three steps away and I'm back again I am feeling this more I ever have But it's more than I can do or you can say
12.
What if we got together We could watch the boats float by You could talk and I would listen And I would understand your mind Oh I long to be with you Walking toward the sea And the times when I’m lonely You could be the one to comfort me Everyday I am thankful that our Separate paths have crossed Every night I lay my head down I know I’ll never feel so lost What if we crossed the river We could start a brand new life With a house and a family If you’d only be my wife So I leave it you now You can tell me what you think We could step to the altar And I could wake up to your face each day And my promise to you now Is you’ll always smile me Blessed day when I come home In your arms is where I’ll be

about

This album is many years in the making. I started recording some of the songs back in 2014 and other songs were written and recorded as recently as a few months ago.  There have been many starts and stops stops along the way as I've tried to figured out what I want to say and what this thing should sound like. There's rock songs, folk songs, piano songs, electronica songs and everything in between. There's songs about death, grief, disagreement and anxiety, but also hope, patience and love.

As I thought about what it should be called, I came up with the title, "Good Grief," which references Charlie Brown, a character I've come to relate with more and more as time has gone on; someone who wears his heart on his sleeve as he experiences many of the themes I write about. It's also an inside joke to myself about what someone might say when I tell them it took me 4 years to make an album!

I hope you enjoy listening to this album.

credits

released December 10, 2018

Written, performed and recorded by Jake Haws.

Artwork by Travis Braun.

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Jake Haws Provo, Utah

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